I came across a powerful quotation from Victor Frankl some days ago. The quote opened up a thought process that has been brewing in my mind. I would like to share some of these thoughts with you.
Viktor Frankl was a neurologist, psychiatrist, Holocaust survivor, and author of “Man's Search for Meaning,” a book I unhesitatingly recommend everyone read. His words continue to offer profound insights into the human capacity for resilience and the significance of finding purpose.
I would not hesitate to say that everyone has, on at least one occasion in their life, either heard, said, or thought that someone or something made us respond in a certain way. It is such a common defense for children that “he made me do it” has become cliché.
Indeed, in the intensity of the moment, it can seem as though someone or something else has forced us into taking a specific action. For example, when you get cut off while driving, and the horn is angrily pushed. Consider another situation where a stranger cuts in line, potentially ruining the whole day with the irritation it sparks. In abusive relationships, the abuser will often say that the person they abused made them act in such a way.
In less dramatic examples, we might find ourselves reaching for something on a store shelf, something that suddenly seems necessary, even though it was the farthest thing from our minds moments before. The marketing manipulation made us buy it. I have personally experienced this more than once. All you need to do is see my flute collection for a perfect example.
It may seem that we are all simply automatons. This has certainly been the basis for many books, movies, and philosophies. The irony of using the term “consumers” for the general public is worth contemplating. To some, our sole purpose is to buy more products to keep the economy growing.
Let’s look a little deeper into the categorization of these concepts:
Externalization: This term describes how individuals blame something outside of themselves to avoid personal accountability. By attributing actions to external factors, individuals can bypass the discomfort associated with admitting fault or acknowledging personal shortcomings.
Impulse Control and Self-Awareness: The immediate, often emotional reaction to situations—like getting cut off in traffic or impulsively making a purchase—reflects a lapse in self-regulation.
Influence of External Stimuli: The environment, including advertising and social cues, can profoundly influence our behavior, often subconsciously. Recognizing this influence is crucial for developing critical thinking and making more deliberate choices.
Responsibility and Growth: Acknowledging that we have the power to choose our responses, rather than being at the mercy of external forces, is a significant step towards personal growth and emotional maturity. It shifts the narrative from victimhood to empowerment, encouraging individuals to take responsibility for their actions and their emotional states.
Viktor Frankl recognized that:
Reflecting on the wisdom that underscores the profound space between life events and how we react to them, we find a message of empowerment. This sounds so simple. Yet, one might wonder, can merely pausing a moment before reacting honestly grant us power and freedom?
Yes. It does so by injecting actual choice into the given situation. It means taking that microsecond of a pause before cutting someone off, responding with anger, or making an impulse purchase. It means seeing that every response shapes the person we are, for only in choice can there be true freedom.
There is a very real space between stimulus and response that can be seen as sacred ground—a place where our freedom to choose is both our greatest challenge and our greatest gift. Here, in this space, lies the potential for transformation, not just of the moment, but of our very beings.
Thank you for walking with me through these reflections. Until next time, may each decision you face be an opportunity to expand that space of choice, growth, and freedom within.
Blessings to you,
Richard
A beautiful musical offering from the last retreat: